dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
