Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
