You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
