Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
