ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
