pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
