sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
