dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
