you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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