So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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