hotel room ftw
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
