just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
