he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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