She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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