Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
