Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
