They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
