I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
