I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
