I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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