Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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