kristin has been a bad kristin
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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