ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
