Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just cropdusted the office
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize