you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
