maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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