She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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