so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
