addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
