Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
