my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
