my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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