I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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