I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
