STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
