Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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