dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
