Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
