remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
