I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
