the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
