Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
