People in love make me want to vomit
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
