i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
