Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
