hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
