watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
