I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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