my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
