if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize