my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
