I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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