The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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