this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize