The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
True strength comes from lack of pants
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
