So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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