I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
