I just pynch a tree in the face
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
