Sponge bath it is.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize