it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
