Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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