i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it glows. i had to have it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
