ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
