# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
