i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize