I looked at my own cervix.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
