But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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