how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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