Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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