the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
