Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
