she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
