Only a mothe r could love this liver
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
