i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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