I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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