IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
