When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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