in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
