he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We talked him into tasing himself.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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