So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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