a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
