i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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