You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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