Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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