isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
