I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
