I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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