Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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