My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
