Moan for me like Helen Keller
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
