one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
