Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
