he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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