Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
