Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
