covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
