he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
