can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
