well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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