brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
