I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
