Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I will die if light touches me.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
