don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
