So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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